Parenting 101, Chapter One, Bribery

A Saturday or two ago, I caused much eyerolling and whining (from my husband) when I announced our annual MANDATORY family photography excursion to the stunning flower wall in our local park. I refused to take no for an answer. I dressed the small fry and we wheeled the triple-wide down to the wall. We cajoled them into place in front of the flowers. I took one picture with my beautiful, great big, fancy Nikon D50 (that I adore with a passion that ought to be reserved for human beings rather than material things and that I have absolutely no idea how to use) and then the uncharged battery promptly died.

Home. Charged battery during naps. Back. Three kids and husband significantly grumpier than first attempt at flower wall, if possible.

We arranged them artfully a second time. They whined. I pleaded. They refused to smile. I begged. They ran in the other direction. I took many, many shots of stunning flowers with blurry parts of moving toddlers in the corner. Also, many unintentional flower shots with missing children. Because, target children had departed the vicinity of the flowers.

They picked flowers. I threatened. Cue ate flowers. I screeched in horror and scared him to tears. Everyone cried at least once. I growled at HSSH and his terrifically unhelpful poor attitude numerous times. I snapped hundreds of pictures with two perfectly posed children and one child picking his or her nose, or leaning backwards, or rolling, or slumping over (Cue! Sheesh, he's such a baby!).

Finally, in despair, I bribed them with promises of chocolate and ice cream. The children I mean. For Grumpy the over-six-foot-tall dwarf, the mere allusion to a shower that may or may not involve him at some undisclosed point in the future generally works miracles. I will never again get them (any of them) to do anything without a reward. I violated one of the basic tenets of my parenting philosophy: Thou shalt not be rewarded for acting like a human being is expected to act. It was completely worth it.