Courage

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else. - Erma Bombeck

I haven't had a large need for courage in my life, not the kind that's exalted in great tales.  I've walked through grief, but most have by the time they reach the approach to their fortieth year.  Many in far larger doses than I have endured. I've borne children and while I certainly think that childbirth requires bravery, the reward tempers the trial a little. I've ventured to the store with four children under four and that may well be my bravest act to date, but I'm not sure that's the type of courage that inspires the quotes of great minds.  No doubt because they've never done it. I know true love and many extol the virtue of loving truly as one of courage, but I see it more as a happy accident.

This is all the quiet valiance of every day life.  Love. Loss. Pain. Triumph.  It's hardly once more into the breach; or Frodo at the gates of Mordor; or a dash back into a burning building. 

Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death. - Earl Wilson

But I find, staring down the tunnel of the last twelve hours of 2010, that my own little leap into the new year requires a little more bravery than I anticipated.   [[[[[Deep Breath.]]]]]  I have written something and I'd like to share it with you.  It's been ready for weeks.  I imagined myself gleefully hitting publish on this post in the wee hours of this morning.  Here I sit, still hesitating, reading and rereading and wondering.  What if no one reads?  What if it's out there and nothing happens?

The answer is:   Entirely possible.  Likely even.

Nothing ventured, nothing ever gained.  I promised myself I would move this project forward in the new year, I conceived a plan and I executed it.  (With ENORMOUS help from Cat of Mommygeekology, who lent me her skill and made this more gorgeous than I could have dared to hope.)  The only thing left is to tell you about it and ask you for a favor.  {{{Deep breath number two. Stop procrastinating, Stacey.}}}

[Let your] place never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat. - Theodore Roosevelt

Today, I'm launching a new site called Summer Connolly Romance where I will publish serially my first romance novel, UNION PACIFIC.  I would love it if you wanted to read along, comment, criticize constructively, but I absolutely know that this genre is not for everyone.  If it's not for you, I wonder if you would share it with your friend, cousin, acquaintance, crazy neighbor, whoever has a quiet passion for frivolous love stories and heaving bosoms because-I-would-be-forever-grateful-thank-you-so-very-much-kisses-and-hugs.  (Oh and also, subscribe? Even if you never click through again so that it looks like people are reading and I can breathe?)

[[[[[And exhale.]]]]]

A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for. - William Shedd

I'm not sure why this is so difficult for me to do.  That's a lie.  I know exactly why.  For the same reason I shy away from going back to school. For the same reason I refuse to say aloud that I think we are done having babies. For the same reason I cringe when someone asks me if I'll go back to law when Nate starts school.

I am unbelievably happy.  I am so happy that it hurts sometimes.  I am so happy that underlying the happiness is a little bit of fear of any change, any shift, any swerve to the left or right.  The problem with trying to keep things the same is that they keep changing no matter what you do.  Far better to forge into the undergrowth on your own than to wait for something to knock you over the cliff that you don't see to your side.

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. - Anais Nin

I'd like my life to expand under my direction.   Critics will say that I shouldn't give my work away for free. Why not a traditional search for an agent? Why not self-publish and market?  Much discussion ebbs and flows on blogs about the wisdom or folly of writing "for free."  My response, free and foolish and follyful, is that I don't care.  It's mine to give.  The manuscript needs work and I want you to help me.  I'm inspired by writing for others. A large part of my joy in the last three years has been writing here and finding, surprisingly, an interactive and engaging audience of writers that I now call friends. The world of writing and publishing is changing, one has to prove oneself, has to show the ability to build interest and marketability.  Why not here?

There it is. I've offered you my tiny, ordinary bit of bravery for the start of 2011. It is www.summerconnollyromance.com. I've swallowed my fear of failure. I've shrugged off the possibility of disinterest.

Raise your glass.  To courage, no matter how small. To creativity.  To dreams.  To 2011.  Now, tell me what small step you'll take toward something you want in the new year?

Courage is ... the mastery of fear, not the absence of fear. - Mark Twain