Part II. Dear Crunchiest of the Crunchy Home Birth Midwife - It's Called Birth Choice, Not Birth My Way or You Are a Baby Hating, Non-natural Wimp Who Had a Fake Birth
I sometimes attend this Mindful Mommas mommy and baby group. I really enjoy the discussions because it is a group of woman who are way, way left of me on the parenting spectrum. All the way left to squirrelly, nut-crunching, granola, organic green-parenting. I love them. I'm more in the "marmot, nut-sampling, occasional granola, would love to be an organic, green parent if I weren't drowning in babies," range myself, but I love them.
There is a woman in the group who will make pills from your placenta for you to take, if you desire, so that you can ingest all the fabulous protein. My children are often the only ones in the room wearing plastic diapers. Are you with me on the crunch-factor? The group is led by the crunchiest of the crunchy, home-birth midwife (COCHBMW). Most of the group's members have had all or one of their babies at home with COCHBMW.The last (and possibly final) time I attended, a woman asked for opinions about having a successful natural birth at a local hospital. I chimed in, because I've done it, and said that I had a great experience. I was nervous about interventions because I'd heard the hospital could be less than supportive, but I found the exact opposite. The discussion quickly dissolved into hospital-birth bashing and a criticism of 'the domino effect of interventions' that can occur in a hospital setting. Culminating in this gem of a quote from COCHBMW, "Most doctors practicing in hospitals have never even seen a real birth."
I am a huge advocate of the need for woman to be more informed about birth, so that they can ask intelligent questions about their care and demand thoughtful responses from their birth team. I agree that there tends to be a push for interventions in hospitals that does contribute to the c-section rate in the USA. But, excuse me, I think pretty much 100% of women who have given birth would call their birth "real." I raised my hand, because I'm all stupid like that.
Me: "Um, I understand your point, I really do, but I think we should be careful of our language. I think that all births are, you know, real births."
COCHBMW: "No, medically managed births are not real births."
Me: "I strongly disagree." (and I think that is condescending and judgmental). "I thought we were empowering woman to choose, not just pushing a certain agenda."
COCHBMW (barely controlling her urge to spank my undiaper-padded bottom) "I'm not pushing an agenda. Pitocen induced labors are not real labors. That is not the body's natural way to labor. It can be harder than real labor, but it's not real labor."
Me: "Couldn't we just stick with natural, then. Natural labor v. induced labor. Real seems so...." COCHBMW: "No. I mean they are not real. That's what I mean."
Okay, but real baby, inside of real body of real woman with some form of real exit strategy = real birth. I don't think women who have endured Pitocen-induced labors are sitting around afterwards thinking thank god I had one of those imaginary labors, could someone bring me my imaginary baby so that I can feed her with my imaginary sore nipple.
I'm so disappointed. I enjoyed this group because I adore looking at birth and parenting from viewpoints outside of my norm. Their spiel is so welcoming. They claim to be supportive of all birth and mothering choices, while hoping to educate about natural choices. I know that if I am going to attend a holistic, natural mother baby group led by a COCHBMW, I have to expect the prevailing views to be for natural birth and more organic parenting choices. It's just that, it ended up being just another group of parents who think their way is superior to every one else's. That perspective (or lack thereof) always gets tiring.
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Coming Soon - Part III of Things That Have Really Chapped My Parental Ass Recently - Patronizing Pediatricians
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