Drive to school

"Hey mommy?"

I hate this driveway. I hate this driveway.  "Hey mommy?"

"Just a minute, I'm trying to back into the street."

It's too narrow. I'm going to clip the gate.  "Hey mommy?"

"FU-DGE."  No I'm through.

"Hey mommy?"

"Yes, Saige?"

"What's in our lunch boxes?"

"Grapes and..."  "Hey mommy?"

"Just a minute, Garrett.  Carrots and a bagel and..."  "Hey mommy?"

"...cheese.  Yes, Garrett."

"Do you know what "HEY MOMMY" the pumpkin is called in "HEY MOMMY?" music? "HEY MOMMY" NO!  My turn."

"IWANNATALKIWANNATALKIWANNATALK."

"Quinn, Garrett's turn.  No, Garrett, what?"

"Titi."

"What?"

"HEYMOMMAIWANNATALK."

One block down.  Lay Down Sally is on the radio. I like that song.

"Yes, Quinn."

"Umumumumumumumumumumum."

"HEY MOMMY?"

"NO MY TALKING!"

"Yes, Quinn.  Quinn's turn."

"UMUMUMUMUMUMUMUMUMUM. Hey momma?"

"Yes, Quinn."

THESPIDERS!! IT'STHESPIDERS!!!  THESPIDERHOUSE.  MOMMA! LOOK! THESPIDERS! SPIDERS!SPIDERS!SPIDERS!

"Cool, wow look at that big green one."

"I didn't see it."

"We'll come back by on the way home."

"I DIDN'T  hey momma? SEE  hey momma?  NO! MY WANNA TALK."

"Quinn, on the way home.  Yes, Saige."

"Is it Friday?"

"No, Thursday."

"Oh, is it January?"

"No, October."

"Oh HEY MOMMA?  Is it Saturday tomorrow? HEY MOMMA."

"Just a second.  No, Friday."  "HEY MOMMY."

"Oh, is HEY MOMMA it Tuesday HEY MOMMA after that?"

"I'm not sure.  Maybe.  Garrett's turn."

"But is it HEY MOMMY."

"Garrett's turn."

Lay Down Sally over, flicking through stations, oh no, not that one, please no, they didn't hear, please no.

"THE CHIPMUNK SONG.  THE CHIPMUNK SONG!!  GO BACK!! GO BACK!! THE CHIPMUNK SONG."

Curse the chipmunks.  Curse Katy Perry.  Curses.  And boils.  And bat vomit.

Fine.

Ca-li-for-nia girls, they're so UNBELIEVABLY ANNOYING.  Make it stop, my ears are bleeding.

My children are singing about melting someone's popsicle on the way to Christian Kindergarten.  This is why the should not let Jews into these programs.

"Ok. We have to turn it off in two minutes; we're almost there and I don't have enough brain cells left to waste them on the lyrics to this asininely catchy song." 

"Hey momma.  Hey MOMMA?  Hey momma?"

"Just a minute.  Nate, you still alive back there?"

"Ah-ah-aaaaahhhhh."

"He LIKES it.  He's DANCING."

He totally is.  Traitor.

"Ok.  Off.  Shhhhh.  Listen.  We're almost there."

"Hey momma?"

"Yes, Saige."

"Can we take our buckles off?"

"Not until we're in the parking lot. We're still on the HEY MOMMA?"

"Yes, Garrett?"

"Can we take our buckles off?"

"No. We're still on the road." 

"HEY MOMMA?  Hey momma?"

"NOIWANNATALK.  I WANNATALK. MYTURN. I WANNATALK."

"Ok, alright. Relax.  What, Quinn?"

"Umumumumumumumumumumum.  Hey mommy?"

"NOIWANNATALK.  Can we talk our buckles off?"

"NO! We're still on the road, right?  We're sitting in contruction traffic because God hates me because I take my heathen popsicle melting children to his house for school."

"Hey mommy?"

"No.  Buckles on.  Okay, now we are in the parking lot, you see? So you can take your buckles off, not you Quinn you are staying in the car with me."

"I WANNA GO TO SCHOOL."

"This is not your school."

"I CAN'T GET MY BUCKLE!  MY BUCKLE IS STUCK. THIS BUCKLE IS TOO HARD."

"I WANNA GO TO SCHOOL. "

"Deep breath. Please find your nice voice to ask for help."

"Our turn.  Get ready.  Hi!  Good morning.  I'm great thanks.  Just shiny happy people holding hands in this car.  Yes, Saige for Mrs. She----'s Kindergarten. And Garrett. And if you wanted to take the howling three year old? Just kidding.  Bye. Love you!!  See you at pick up.  Oh no, I'll shut the door with the button.  I can't wait to shut the door.

Aaaaaaannnnnddddd Starbucks.  Yes, I do love full day Kindergarten, thanks for asking. Sometimes silence is half the noise.