Do You Want Sprinkles With That?

You all seem like tolerant people. Many of you said you would absolutely stuff your baby in a pumpkin. Booshy said she planned to stuff her baby in a pumpkin and it's not even born yet. In fact, it's not conceived yet. Awesome.

Confession time. Don't judge me because I really like cream cheese. A cream cheese bagel is my favorite thing for lunch. I look forward to it all morning. Today, I had an asiago cheese bagel in the bread drawer. I kept thinking about it during our morning walk. It motivated me to push the triple stroller up the hill home. (Starbucks chai motivates me to push it away from home.) It was like a beacon of quiet time happiness. Asiago cheese bagel with cream cheese.

I got the terror of toddlers out of their sweaters and hats and managed to unhook all the buckles on the baby carrier without help. Intent on getting the kids fed and out of the way the better to enjoy my treat, I popped some cinnamon raisin bagels in the toaster and opened the cupboard to retrieve the peanut butter.

Oh, what's that, don't the kids like cream cheese? No. No. They do. They adore it actually. But, there was only about a fourth of a cream cheese sleeve left. I checked before I told them they were having peanut butter. I like a lot of cream cheese on my bagel. The hole has to be completely filled in. I want a thick spread.

I open the cupboard and...gasp! Quel horror. NO peanut butter. A tragedy on so many levels. The options were few. Abandoning the bagels meant making something else. I shuddered as I faced my only other course of action. Share the cream cheese. I grudgingly pulled it out of the fridge and then I rationed it like the selfish, greedy cream cheese hog that I am. If you had seen the paltry, thin layer of cheese I applied to my children's bagels, you might have called me out, or called youth services. Let's just say if we are ever starving and it's me or the kids, the kids might be in trouble.

There was barely enough white smear for Cue to scrape off of the top of his bagel with his index finger. I knew he would demand more cheese. My cheese.

In deperation, I surveyed the kitchen and spotted the rainbow sprinkles. Toddlers are gluttonous, but not that clever, they can be distracted by colorful, sweet things. I told them I had magic rainbow sprinkles and sprinkled a few on the top of their bagels. The sprinkles might mostly have rolled onto their plates due to the appalling lack of cheese. Whatever. They were so happy. I was so happy. Eating all the cream cheese. Myself.

I've also eaten Or.eo cakesters in the bathroom with the door locked. Last year, I might have finished Gee's birthday cake hiding in the kitchen while they ate cheerios and bananas for breakfast and then bought him off with a lollipop. I don't like lollipops.

That's it.

Okay, okay. There was that time that the check out lady at Saf.eway gave Cue a HUGE sugar cookie with m&ms baked into it because he was helping me with the groceries so nicely. I told him that he could have it after lunch, but I totally ate the whole thing while he was eating grapes. Then, I had to load him and Nate back in the car and go back to Saf.eway and get him another damn cookie.

That. is. it.

That cookie thing might have been this past Thursday.

Done.

Arrrggggh. Fine. At their preschool Halloween party tonight I told them that they could each pick one treat from this table filled with awesome baked goods. It was seriously the most tempting table of baked treats that I have ever seen. It was hard. They deliberated for like thirty minutes before they chose. At the end of the party, I sent Matt home with all the kids. I told him I'd help clean up and he didn't have to stay. I played it up like it was some huge sacrifice because I knew I'd have access to the table of baked goods wonderfulness all by myself. I ate three cookies and a cupcake. I might have tried the cheese cake.

The end.