Driving in D.C., Take Two

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. After my disastrous attempt to see monuments with my little ones, I did try again. I ended up making my very first, and hopefully last, 911 call. Perhaps big city driving is just not my thing.

On Saturday, one of my oldest and dearest friends came to visit me with her husband and their two girls. Wonderful girls, magical, baby-entertaining girls. I am planning to rent a five and a seven year old girl when I get home, permanently.

They wanted to see the dinosaurs at the National History Museum. I was all, yeah, no problem, I can do it. With my three kids and their two, we didn't all fit in one minivan and they had to follow me. A minivan caravan. To D.C. No problem. Except for the MASSIVE traffic jam on Constitution Avenue. And the fact that every single cross road was closed between 14th and the Capitol so that some senator or President or someone could pick their nose or run the country or something. Oh, and the small matter of the National Book Fair on the mall, resulting in the first available parking spot being located in Ohio. Nightmare. We survived without killing a single person. We even got to the museum, eventually.

Sunday, they wanted to see the monuments (no problem, heh, heh, where's my inhaler) and we decided to all go in my minivan in order to avoid a repeat of the previous day's attempts to stay together in insane traffic. We loaded everyone up early. I wanted to get there while we still had a prayer of parking on this side of the Mississippi River. All five of the children were in legal, appropriate car seats. That's all I'm saying. All three adults, not so much.

A brief Starbucks stop and we merged onto the scary, four-lane on-ramp leading to approximately seventeen major highways that is the only way out of my parent's D.C. suburb. I swear to you I would rather travel by flue powder or apparate or whatever it is that Harry and his magical friends can do. I came around a turn, already pushing 50 mph, and there was a truck facing me in my lane. Talk about heart-stopping. A woman had just blown a tire and spun out into the side wall of the on-ramp.

Like just, just. Like, we were the first people to pass by, just.

I pulled over on the shoulder a good distance from her truck (because I was terrified someone would come around the corner and hit it) and made the first 911 call that I have ever made while Mike went to check on the woman in the truck.

I am the worst 911 caller in the history of the universe. I had absolutely no freaking clue where I was. On the on-ramp in Springfield? The really big one? With all the signs? To, um, D.C. and, um, not D.C.? I was so frustrated, I choked up a little. It's scary to be on the side of the highway talking to a 911 operator, even if you're fine, I'm not going to lie. Somehow, the dispatcher got enough information out of me to send help. I asked if we could leave and he said to stay put until the police arrived (to check if I was on drugs).

Mike (arriving from the truck): She's okay. She's just shaky.
Me: Okay. They're coming. We just have to stay until the police arrive.

A moment of horrified silence as we all realize the same thing simultaneously. Which was: Holy Crap!! We have one more person then seats in the minivan!! A long, tortuous discussion about the best course of action ensued as emergency vehicles sped by on several different ramps below us, but failed to find our ramp. While, I'm sure, a 911 dispatcher cursed my name and my lack of anything even slightly resembling navigational sense.

We rejected hiding Kris in the trunk, throwing a kid over the side of the on-ramp, and letting Kris walk down the on-ramp to an unspecified location because 1) sounded like it might land me in jail for some kind of nasty concealing/smuggling charge; 2) too messy and we couldn't pick one, they were all cute that morning; and 3) traffic continued to WHIR passed at high speeds, narrowly missing the truck and it was not worth risking Kris' life over a ticket for what? I'm not even sure. Failure to wear a seat belt maybe? Besides, I never could have gotten off that highway and found her. The only place I knew how to go from there was D.C. or possibly Richmond. I might have stumbled into New York City if I just never got turned back around and headed home.

I suggested maybe we should just tell the first officer on the scene the truth. Yeah, well, officer, you think this is bad? You should have seen us trying to follow each other yesterday. We were a danger to ourselves and others.

The plan we settled on was for Mike and I to walk back and stay by the truck until the emergency vehicles arrived. That way, we could answer any questions and leave without having anyone approach the van. Which we did. Would you believe that shitty-ass plan totally worked?? A huge firetruck pulled up and blocked the whole on-ramp below the truck. We met them and told them we knew nothing and could we please leave and they said yes. We skedaddled. Took our five children and three adults away in our seven-seater van and scurried out of there.

A good deed and no arrest, not even a ticket. We actually saw monuments! The Lincoln Monument, the Vietnam War Memorial, and the World War Two Memorial. While I gazed on those stunning tributes to great Americans and to those that have served this country so greatly, I felt really humbled by the morning. It's something that I don't think about much, but dialing 911 and having someone respond immediately and then show up to help is not a little thing. It's the result of phenomenal infrastructure and an example of successful local and federal government cooperation of massive proportions.

It isn't guaranteed. I have been in countries where there is no such thing as 911. I have lived where a man bled to death after breaking his leg because there was no ambulance to come. My daughter was born where, not only is there no 911, but if you need blood at the hospital, a relative or friend has to provide it. We have a lot of problems in this country, and a long way to go on many, many things, but I think sometimes, especially in these most contentious of times, it pays to take a moment to think about the things that we take for granted that are right. Having amazing, dedicated and well-trained professionals on call twenty-four hours a day, 365 days a year, to respond to emergencies is right.

Have you ever called 911? I realize that could be a very traumatic question for some people to answer, so don't feel compelled, but if you want to share, I'd love to hear your story.