Well, I never

I suck at quick comebacks.  If there was a competition, I would finish dead last.  When someone says something mean or snarky to me, I usually just stare, or mutter, or look down, while thinking eff off, asshole in my head as hard as I can.  As if they will telepathically know that I think they suck donkey balls.

Then, six hours later in bed stewing about it instead of sleeping I think of the perfect, whip-smart response and I yell, OH YEAH, WELL ... .  And then I feel much better until Matt says, "you're insane, go to sleep" and the only reply I can come up with is, "oh yeah, did you hear how I just told that idiot."

"The one from the grocery store six hours ago who has forgotten that you exist?"

"Yes, that one, thank you."

Which is all background to help you understand why I am beside myself with excitement right now over yet another Costco parking lot incident.  After school pick up this afternoon, I took all four kids to Costco.  I can't tell you why I do that.  Don't ask me.  I enjoy putting myself through hell?  Well, I found it.  Costco at 4:00 p.m. on Thanksgiving Eve is, in fact, hell.  And get this, it's frozen over.  It was exactly nine degrees when we left the minivan and I dragged my demonic minions across the parking lot toward the flaming gates. 

They were really, really good and I only needed a few things, but given the crowds and the lines and the fact that I was trying to maneuever a cart through the hordes with three children hanging off of the sides it was dark when we exited the building and bitter, bitter cold.  That's when my hungry, tired minions lost it.  Quinn screeched for his mittens, which he had screeched in opposition to donning moments before, as I dragged him along behind me across the ice.  Garrett, who appears to have the problem solving skill set of this woman's dog, (go and read that, it is the funniest thing I have read on the internet perhaps ever), made a high pitched keening noise that centered around the word, "cooooooollllldddddddd." 

 What does that country song say?  If you're going through hell, keep on going.  I did and I reached the minivan, threw them all inside, started it and turned on the heat, but I hadn't gotten the doors closed yet because I was still trying to extract the baby from the cart. 

That is when the neatly coiffed and bundled older woman loading the car next to mine said, "Well, I never. Why on earth did you drag all those poor babies to Costco in this cold?"

I didn't miss a beat, you guys, I am FRIGHTENINGLY proud of myself.

I said, leaning in a little and holding the bottle aloft, "I needed more wine."

She gasped, which pretty much makes my holiday.

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Happy Thanksgiving to all of you.  May your pies be perfect, your wine be plentiful and your snarky comebacks be quick.

xo, Stacey