Soul Food, BlogHer Style

I went to a little get together in Chicago last weekend. Maybe you've heard of it? Or seen some posts on it? One or two. I'll warn you, if you're a bit BlogHer overloaded, skip this one, it's ridiculously sappy. Heart and rainbow sparks will spit from your computer screen. There are no good bits, I'm clueless, I miss drama if it happens two feet from me, I am never in the know.

I wasn't sure why I wanted to go to a blogging conference. Not for free stuff (although, my little menagerie loved the Mr. Potato Head dolls, thank you!). Not to network or meet PR people. Not to learn how to increase my traffic. Not for the parties, I'm not a fan of big parties. Not to get away from my children...well, wow, that was nice, but I'd probably choose a get away with my husband.

There isn't a lot of time in life for interactions with new people. I have close friends and they nourish me, fill my need to be valued, to be heard, to feel connected and loved. I don't form many new friendships. It's hard. We're busy. Small children eat time. Life is complicated.

This weekend, an entire weekend was devoted to getting to know new people that I admire. A chance to move beyond I love your words or identify with your experience or share your point of view and know the smiles, the expressions, the sense of humor and turn of phrase.

I went to meet the people behind the writing and it was worth it.

There were awkward moments. Rooms filled with strangers laughing and talking are intimidating without question. There were instances when I felt uncomfortable, people I wish I could have talked to more, people I missed completely, conversations that got cut short and times when I felt too overwhelmed to think of small talk or fill the void. Mostly though, I spent the weekend deepening relationships, confirming friendships and talk, talk, talking with people who love something I love...written communication.

I went because I sat in the lobby of a gorgeous hotel while, over a half hour, a small group of women collected. Women who talk to each other almost every day, but had never met. Women who hugged shyly, laughed tentatively, surprised I think, as I was, at the first warm rush of belonging.

I went because my roommate made me laugh constantly, tweeting quips, telling stories embellished with a perfect accent, and mocking my theories on death, blood and asses. (I hugged her five times, oh yeah, I counted, and get this...she initiated a hug once.)

I went because an unbelievably talented photographer came up to me and introduced himself on Friday afternoon. A soft spoken man whose wife labored with their new baby girl while I gave birth to Nate. I talked and laughed with him, way too briefly (I could have talked with him for hours), at the MommaPop Sparkle Party while he took my picture, one of the few pictures of myself I've ever seen that I don't hate.

I went because, sitting at dinner on Thursday night with Andrea and Kari and Kirsten and Issa and Greis and Renee and Maura and Caitlin, I marveled at how the conversation flowed, how much I wanted to know about the women around me. (I'm going to use real names in this post, without links, because I'd be linking forever and because these are my real friends and because if you read here a lot, you'll hear about these women over and over with lots of links to their writing because I love them.)

I went because it's not often that I get to whisper with a friend to the early hours of the morning, tucked into a big bed (that I had all to myself, sigh) in a quiet hotel room.

I went because of the walk to feed my chai addiction early Friday morning before the conference sessions, giggling and reliving the night before.

I went because of the community keynote readings. I don't know where else I could be in a room with 1300 people, a current of emotion connecting us all as we listened to writers read their own words. I cried until my head hurt and laughed until my side hurt. I hid my face to hide the tears until I glanced around and realized that the men and women at my table kept reaching up to wipe tears from their cheeks.

I went because Matthew allowed me to own the word writer in addition to blogger and he wasn't even talking to me directly.

I went for the unexpected chance to find myself at a table with a gorgeous view of the Chicago River, a pomegranate margarita in my hand, and ten more, clever, funny, delightfully warm, unbelievably talented women seated around me. I had to pinch myself and take a gulp of margarita. Maggie, Margaret, Ann, Anna, Jessica, Sandi, Jen, Amy, Meg, Debbie...thank you.

I went to drink sweet vodka tea and eat poorly cooked hamburgers, sitting in the sunshine by the river, my head foggy with exhaustion and happiness. To chat with Pauline and Traci and Amy and Ann and Debbie and Marinka (no she never escaped me) and Tracey and Sandi. To have Carolyn and Darcy stop by and join us.

I went to hug Andrea and have her agree that I am the least photogenic person on the planet. Her exact words were, you're so pretty, how can you take such awful pictures. I know, I mean, I would say, I'm so normal looking usually, how can I look like a deranged alien in pictures, but it's the same sentiment in the end.

I went to talk life and parenting with Cindy and Greis and Traci and Pauline while waiting for a dinner that took two hours to cook and to feel that, though the delay nearly killed us with hunger, I could have continued the conversation for two more hours.

I went to say to so many people, your writing speaks to me, I've been dying to meet you, and I can't believe they said the same.

In the end, at the last, I went to sit on two hotel beds until 2:00 a.m. with Kirsten and Kari and Maura and Issa and Marinka and Renee and Issa like twelve-year-olds at a slumber party. We laughed until we cried at silly stories and inside jokes and flappiness and mistaken identities and my ability to have an entire conversation with someone while thinking they were someone else.

I went for all the people I got to hug, but not really talk to, Meghan, Renee, Sean, Christine, Heather, Christy, Ree, Kendra, Carol Lynn, Fran, so many more.

I went because friends are precious in this world, and close girlfriends are priceless.

I went because souls get lonely, they need something undefined, no matter how good the life, how loved the family. Something that was in the air in Chicago this weekend.

It fed my soul. YOU fed my soul. Thank you.