A Bagel Is a Dietary Staple

Slackeration, slackerama, slackapalooza. Lord, I suck. I slack. Actually, what I do is lay around on the floor a lot wishing that my children were more considerate. When one of them starts screaming their I've-just-had-an-arm-brutally-detached-by-a-sibling scream, it would really help me if they would do it in my vicinity so that I could avoid getting up and dragging myself to the other room to survey the damage. Really? This is a two room apartment. Is that so much to ask?

In the midst of my floor wallowing, I have managed, finally, to perform the very official drawing ceremony for the second Saipan package. The first one, of course, goes to Psychmamma, whose trivia prowess cannot be denied or rivaled. The very official drawing ceremony involved a bowl and some little scraps of paper on which I wrote all of the commenters' names. I gave you a second entry if you had points on the scoreboard!

Cue, whose credentials and impartiality are above reproach, drew the winning name. He was clearly qualified by the obvious fact that he was far more interested in eating the piece of paper than in who was going to be the winner of the Saipan package. Kickbacks mean nothing to this moral little man. Unless by kickbacks you mean that you'll hold his older brother down while he kicks him back. In that case, he's all over it.

He chose.....For Myself. He only chewed on it a little bit and the ink was completely legible. His second choice was Pam. I guess that doesn't mean anything (sorry Pam) unless Psychmamma or For Myself refuse to send me their emails. In that case, the package is yours! To everyone else, especially Kym and Vodka Mom who played so hard and with such good humor, thanks! That was fun. I might even do it again sometime.

In case you are feeling cheated or smell a rat or something, it's probably Gee, who continues to taunt me by pooping pretty much anywhere except the one location which would not involve me scrubbing poop. No, don't blame Cue. I was the weak link in the process because my handwriting is atrocious and since I both wrote the entries and read the winner, there was some room for error, or even fraud. Let's not go there, shall we. Let's all be bigger than that and move on, it's over, the best blogger won, the bowl and Cue have spoken, don't we all just want to forget our differences and heal? Besides, it's just a package of my favorite Asian junk food with a few island baubles thrown in, is it really worth any strife? Actually, I've bought dried sugared mangoes and I might raise a stink if someone snatched my mangoes. They are that good. Also, spicy, crunchy peas. Now that I think about it, some of you might want to register a complaint. This is really good stuff.

I'll alert the election commission. Maybe Congress. They aren't busy. They're just rearranging chairs over there. And I think arguing about how much to make us pay for cars we already can't afford. And won't receive. But, we can go and pet the cars we already paid for on pretty lots. And, if we really like them, the car people will loan us our money that Congress gave them, for loans and stuff, so that the car people could afford to loan us our money so that we could buy cars that we can't afford but already paid for. See how that works. It's a credit crisis and a car crisis. That's where Congress takes our money and gives a bunch of it to credit companies and then buys cars with the rest so that the credit companies will feel confident loaning our money back to us to pay for cars that we already own. Only nine percent interest. Act fast.

So, yeah, where was I? Psychmamma and For Myself. Hurray! Congratulations!! I need addresses. Email me. I am going to send you peas and mangoes!!! Not cars, don't get confused. I know. You can thank me later.

In other nonsense, I am addicted to cup o'noodles and pepsi. I seem to remember, many moons ago, back when I was young and innocent and all dewy eyed, and pregnant for the first time, that I owned some books about early pregnancy. I vaguely recall some menus and charts and being actually concerned about and on top of my intake of things like vitamins and proteins and, oh I don't know, the occasional vegetable, because my body was a lovely temple-like vessel, a house for my growing child. This time, I would just like as many of us involved as possible to survive the experience. I include all present children in that request. In particular, whichever one is screaming bloody murder at the moment. Preferably with as little vomiting as possible. While I drink pepsi and eat cup o'noodles.

I really don't ask that much. I don't know what happened to all those books. I know I read them obsessively three years ago. Okay, I know what happened to What to Expect When You're Expecting. I burned it. Those bitches called a bagel an 'occasional treat.' A cheesecake is an occasional treat. A bagel is a dietary staple. Now you know.