Wedding Bells

My baby sister is getting married on June 14. It's exciting. She's in love, he's wonderful, happily ever after, blah, blah, blah.... Now, let's bring it back to me, please. How does this affect me? (Besides the trip across the country trapped in a plastic tube with three small Tasmanian devils.)

Um, shopping. FOR MY BABIES. For outfits that I would never, ever in a million diapers waste money on normally because they will undoubtedly be ruined within a millisecond of donning. Outfits my husband would forbid me to buy under ordinary circumstances (and if you're wondering if I am forbidden to do things often, with my mouth? No. We usually agree on stupidly wasteful extravagances like fancy clothes for Tasmanian devils. Petting and coveting is allowed. Purchasing, discouraged.)

In this case, I have the trump card.
Sweetheart, it's my baby sister. It's her wedding. If we play this right, and they are cute enough, she might produce cousins someday. We have to represent. We have to dress them up like the little dolls that they are not and drug them so that they sit politely in pews throughout the wedding ceremony.

Aha, ha, ha. No.

My sister has already been disabused of the notion that my three toddlers would be anything close to approaching angelic quiet accessories at her nuptials. The conversation went something like this.

Me: I think it would be better if they skipped the ceremony. I was thinking of hiring a nanny for the whole day.

Her: I know it might be hard for them to sit and be quiet, but I really want them in the pictures.

Me: If by hard, you mean categorically impossible. Yes. If by quiet, you mean having this as the soundtrack for your wedding vows, "Momma?! Why you up there? MOMMA? What you do? What you do Aunt Dee? WHAT YOU DO? I pretty. My new dress pretty. Mine hair pretty. Momma pretty. YOU PRETTY MOMMA? I NO WANT JACKET. Where is cake?" Then, yes. If by pictures you mean trying, endless ordeal where no one smiles, everyone cries and your stunning, designer wedding gown is ruined before you reach your reception. Sure.

Her: I'll ask about a nanny service.

Me: Wise.

They are going to attend the rehearsal dinner in these adorable outfits. I have so far exceeded my budget for said outfits that they will be barefoot because I cannot afford shoes.

















I KNOW. Aren't they just decadent butter cream frosting edible?? Ess is wearing MiniBoden. Gee sports a combination look from BabyGap and Gymboree. Cue is dressed in Old Navy Couture. The line for modeling contracts forms here.