The entire world is cooler than me and also more organized

I've reached half written post level: CRITICAL.  Red lights are flashing on top of my crappy laptop but I keep wandering off because there's this one really important thing that I haven't done yet and I really should pick up that dry cleaning ...

I'm going to BlogHer in two days (make that tomorrow morning) and I haven't packed and I don't own any cocktail dresses and it's my third year and I'm still scared.  So, ahem, if you're going, this isn't one of those posts helping you with any of that.  However:

1) I'll be in San Diego in two days (make that tomorrow) & I've never been to California.

2) BY MYSELF. AS IN WITHOUT MY CHILDREN. ON MY OWN. WITH MY OWN BED.

I'm pretty happy about that second point.  You know those friends you have that agonize about trips because they can hardly bear to leave their children? Or maybe you are one of those people? God bless your sweet little hearts.  That's not me. I can barely wait to leave their dirty little asses (LITERALLY) behind. I mean that with love.

More seriously, I am (There is no adjective for the depth of my emotion. fantastically?) honored to be a Voice of the Year at BlogHer this year.  I'm one of 15 bloggers reading at the Community Keynote.  I've been in awe of the Community Keynote for three years and I'm just slightly, braggily proud of the fact that I've nominated a reader every year.  In 2009, Issa read her thought-provoking post about her uncle. Last year, Marinka killed us all dead (of laughter, not literally, although I sometimes wouldn't put it past her) with her post Fantastic News!, which I nominated. (Yes, I am going to keep reminding you.)

And I won't lie. I longed to write something good enough to put me up on that stage. This year, I'll be there. (Thank you, Marinka!!).  AND, oh yes, I did maintain my unbroken nomination record. MomoFali will read a post I adored from the first moment I read it.  And Bon will read a devastatingly beautiful post that both Neil and I nominated (But I'm taking 70% credit because I nominated it first. Petty, but true).  Corny alert:  I'm floored to be reading in the same CK as Bon. I started reading her blog before I started my blog and I idolize her dreamy, descriptive writing. 

Are you going to San Diego?  Are you already there because I am so very untimely with my posting that it's practically moot and the conference is all but over? Come find me.  Say hi.  I suck at small talk (truly), so hit me with something deep & personal. Tell me you weren't able to have any more kids after your last and it hurt because I've been struggling with that all year. Tell me you've had miscarriages too. Tell me that you don't know what to do with the rest of your life.  We'll chat all night.

Oh! And also! The Serenity Suite. It's a really great place for chatting.  Heather and Ellie are the lovely ladies in charge and you can read all about it and who is hosting. Spoiler! Me! I'm hosting.  Thursday from 9-10 p.m. and Friday morning from 11-12.  I would love to see you there.

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In other non-blogging news: 

1)  They plumbed the new master bathroom last week and now the entire rest of my house lacks water pressure and hot water.  I find that to be a problem.  Matt and Scot (contractor) and Jim (plumber) stood around a few days ago "brainstorming" and I made the mistake of wandering through the room.  They were all trying to explain it to me with words like "air pressure" and "leak in the vent" and "insulation."  Dear God, I don't care if tiny firebreathing dragons need a better supply of magic mushrooms to make it right.  Let's just order those damn things in, okay? Excellent.

2) I can't have the tile I want for the shower because apparently they make it but NO ONE ACTUALLY SELLS IT.  Yes, I am aware that my problems are privileged, first world problems that rank in the "no one gives a shit category," but JESUS. If you're going to make tile and put it on the internet for me to see could you possibly also SELL it.

3)  Quinn turned four.  I have about fifty half-written, sobby posts about that.  Instead, let's look at my cake disaster prowess, shall we.  New motto:  When life gives you a crumbling, cake disaster from hell, make cake cocktails. Because everything looks better in a cocktail glass.

 Surprisingly, this is not a tutorial on how to successfully remove a cake from a pan.  What tipped you off? (This picture cakesonifies why I hate baking. And crafting. And anything else that is supposed to be easy and pretty and actually requires "tips" and "patience" to pull off.)

You are impressed. Admit it. I swirled chocolate and vanilla frosting together. It's hard to contain this kind of genius, but somehow I manage to contain it and even hide it most of the time.