I'm not sure cyber-stalking of our children would have even occurred to him if I hadn't become obsessed recently with the little map that I added to the blog page (bottom right, can't miss it). It tracks where people are when they visit the site. It fascinates me. First, you have to appreciate how untechnological I truly am. Until a couple of years ago, when my brother-in-law mocked me severely, I called the "processor" the c-drive. Because, you know, when I save things and I want them to stay on my computer as opposed to going away to a CD or something, I send them to the c-drive. Yes, thank you, it has now been pointed out to me that all of the various drives are on the 'processor' aka the big tall thing that collects dust on the floor under my desk and houses the computer on button.
Point being, the idea that brilliant computer people out there in the world somewhere can tell the exact location of every computer that is used to visit this site and are willing to map it for me for free is just magic to me. If, leaving my children aside, there are two things in life that I love, they are maps and lists. (Also leaving SB chai tea lattes aside. And, dark chocolate. And, rum and coke.) This is a MAP that illustrates a LIST of people who like to read about my CHILDREN (that I can peruse while drinking a CHAI tea or a RUM and coke and eating CHOCOLATE). Holy grail, basically.
HSSH found it a little alarming that a few unidentified dots exist on the map. I told him that he shouldn't look at it as a map of possible locations for people stalking our children. It's actually just a friendly Grandma competition. The size of the dot over their general area tells us which Grandma adores her grandchildren the most. Kidding. (But Ohio Grandma is currently in the lead. COME ON, Jewish Grandma, your converted roots are showing. What kind of yenta are you? I even had boys. A real JG would be all over this site every day. Her dot would be the size of Cleveland by now and she would call around five every afternoon to ask why there wasn't something new posted about the lights of her life. Honestly, stop gallivanting around the world enjoying your empty nest and click your computer buttons. Here, I'll give you the secret to her success, because you have a lot of catching up to do, she gets her FRIENDS to click on the site too. That makes your dot grow faster.)
That's the difference between HSSH and I. I am beside myself with delight when I get a new dot. He wants to know who I know in that location. Unimportant. I am a collector (it goes with the type A, control freak, list writing territory). Right now, I collect dots. The flip side of this coin is that I can also now tell which of our friends and family are uninterested in our children. That's okay. It really is. But, in the interest of my new hobby, if they could click on the website just once, so that I could collect their dot, I would really appreciate it. (Roop and Georgiegirl I am talking to YOU. I want those Africa dots. You can't go out and get, like, the coolest lives EVER and then deny those of us who stayed behind in bread and butter suburbia the pleasure of a little dot on the map from your incredibly cool locale!!)
Back to the debate. A compromise is in order, I think. I've developed one after fifteen minutes of research stalking other people's children on their blogs. Pictures are okay, but I won't use their names. Instead we'll have alphabet soup. Introducing (from their latest photo shoot):
The lovely Ess (S) and the incorrigible Gee (G)..
... and, adorable Cue (Q).
Feel free to comment on how gorgeous they are. That might make me happier than dots.
In other code, my husband will be HSSH because it amuses me. If you want the nickname behind the acronym, you'll have to visit my profile. If you know me at all, SB should be obvious. I remain Stacey. No one is stalking me.
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